Editing an article is usually a refreshing endeavor. There’s something positive about discovering a typo, a bad construction, or a mis-spelled word and being able to correct it before clicking on that “publish” key. Knowing that I have avoided the embarrassment of a glaring error is not only a relief; it carries with it a sense of accomplishment, also. I’ve enacted a process which is mature and professional.
However, there are editing moments when the feeling is less giddy. Today I experienced one of them when I read over the post I had created for today and decided to take the ultimate editing response: I erased the entire post and sent it to the trash receptacle, that paradoxical location, like Heaven, which doesn’t really exist as a physical place, but is filled with eliminated words, thoughts, and concepts. There was a sense of grief in clicking on the move to trash icon. I had worked hard on that piece, carefully selecting the graphic to accompany it, researching the story behind it, and laboring over the selection of the right words to express the emotion which generated the post.
But in the end, it was a wrong thing to publish. It was not only controversial, but it was potentially damaging. From the moment I completed it and saved the draft for final review this morning, I had a gut ache which told me that it had to go. That ache told me that I had overstepped a boundary and would regret it if I published the piece. I found myself identifying the friends who would be upset with me, and how I would respond to them. Some of them didn’t deserve the pain my words would bring to them.
Ultimately, at 3:30 this morning I released that post into the nether.* As I said, there was momentary grief, and then I felt a relief, knowing that I had done a good thing. It was not as if I was at a loss to create another blog post. To the contrary, there are words and phrases jostling to get a favorable position to be selected every day. But what was at the top of the list was this…my desire to express what it felt like to erase something I valued.
The concept behind the post is not lost, just the specific words I had selected to include. Maybe there is a someday when the post will be more appropriate; maybe not.
* See, I do use words I have discovered along the way!
Photo Credit: white oaks
